Harvey's Secret Voyage: The 2010-11 CR-83 Sweet Leafs

If you are not a hockey fan, you may want to skip this post

Tuesday was our annual fantasy hockey draft. After a successful 2009-10 (3rd place and in the money), nothing short of our 2nd championship is expected

The league saw one franchise fold but welcomed two new teams. Generally it was a clusterfrick leading up to the draft with a lot of last minute confusion. Here is the new Commissioner, Gary Chekan

Our league has 2C, 4W, 3D, 2G and 2 Utility positions. Categories are G, A, +/-, PIM and PPP for skaters and W and Save % for Goalies

Ladies and Gentleman, here are your 2010-11 Sweet Leafs

Pavel Datsuk, Centre
Sweet Leafs fans have come to expect a tough team. Pavel has won 4 Lady Byng Memorial Trophies for "Most Gentlemanly Player" (i.e. not many penalties). Still, he is considered the best all-around player in the world. He is also a sharp dressed man

Mikko Koivu, Centre
Mikko had 71 points last year and they love him in Minnesota. Here is in front of his humble Finnish home and here is his bobblehead, apparently controversial:
http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Minnesota-s-Koivu-latest-victim-of-embarrassingl?urn=nhl-198444

Paul Statsny, Centre
79 points last year and only 24. But do you see the pattern? Very high quality players, very smart picks...but...something is missing. Charisma? An Edge?

Daniel Sedin, Wing
Our 1st pick. 85 points in only 63 games. Only 30. Plays on God's favorite team, the Vancouver Canucks. But OH MY God! WTF?!

Daniel Alfredsson, Wing
Alright! Here we go - Alfie! Yes - 37 years old. But 9 consecutive seasons of at least 71 points. And as you can clearly see below, he is on the very short list of candidates to be our captain

Daniel Briere, Wing
Now we're talking. He is a bit all over the place - as many as 95 points but often hurt. He did have 30 points last playoffs in only 23 games. And the Flyers offense is stacked

Ryan Clowe, Wing
To make up for our talented players who avoid the penalty box at all cost, we were pleased to draft Ryan Clowe and his 131 penalty minutes. Hey, Ryan - that's a Sedin you're laying a beating on in that first shot - make sure it's not Daniel

Ryan Malone, Wing
Ryan delivers better than a PIM per game and should hit his usual 45-50 points - along with his cocky attitude. What a great pic that first one is

Jordan Hall, Wing
We took a gamble on the NHL's first overall pick in 2010. He will likely ride the bench until we see him deliver without too horrendous a +/- on a questionable Edmonton team. That's Jordan wearing God's jersey

Sergei Gonchar, Defense
Here is the other candidate to be our captain - the great Sergei Gonchar. Man, now playing in God's city (Ottawa, not Toronto) and bringing his Stanley Cup resume has our fans excited. This photo montage speaks volumes

HAHAHAHA! Screw you Red Wings!

Wise mentor to his fellow Russian the Great (and former Sweet Leaf) Evgeni Malkin...

100% quiet class...

Hot wife...

Multi-faceted...

And Sergei knows Lord Stanley...

Bryan McCabe, Defense
A Sweet Leaf legend

Paul Martin, Defense
Drafted as my 3rd D but we have high hopes. So does Pittsburgh - they signed him to a 5-year $25M contract. A little light on the PIMs, he better deliver strong PPP and +/-

Keith Ballard, Defense
Only 27 and averages about 37 points and better than a PIM each game. Now with Vancouver. Famous for "accidentally" swinging his stick and knocking his goalie unconscious

Craig Anderson, Goalie
Craig was drafted over Sweet Leaf legend Mikka Kiprusoff. Wow - what pressure! Craig is coming off a 38-win 91.7% season with Colorado, possibly my new state. Our goaltending coach is working on helping Craig stay focused and get him to stop checking out the chicks during the game

Jaroslav Halak, Goalie
God. A steal as our #2 goalie. People who say "oh, he was just a one-hit wonder" are absolute idiots. Not only has he been Montreal's best goalie for 3 straight years, he was a super-stud for Slovakia at the glorious Vancouver Olympics (including a 36 save performance in their win over Russia)